Fredrickville - All Updates

Fredrickville - All Updates All Updates http://www.fredrickville.com/article/ en-us Copyright 2012 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:20:00 -0400 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:20:00 -0400 webmaster@fredrickville.com Fredrickville.com-689 This Website Sucks http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/215/This_Website_Sucks <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/215.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com Did anybody else notice how much this site went downhill? <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/shitlisticon-big-290x290.jpg"></center> False: This site cannot go downhill, it's already at the bottom.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/215/This_Website_Sucks">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:20:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-688 Suicide Chickens And Lightsaber Wielding Octopi http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/31/Suicide_Chickens_And_Lightsaber_Wielding_Octopi <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/31.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/03147Octopus_O_wrath.jpg"></center> Loosey Goosey the Enigmatic elf shot a deer one day. It turned out to be the Grandson of a god. This angered God mightily, so he did what would to any other individual who did something annoying. He destroyed the entire nation. However, this was no ordinary elf. Loosey Goosey was secretly the overlord of the parallel dimension and suddenly, he reanimated himself like the time Neo rose back up from the dead through sheer willpower. Loosey was angry and somebody was going to pay, so he marched upstairs to the god's doorstep and dragged him by the ear to the crater that was once a nation and rubbed his nose in it and said "Bad god! Now, don't you do that again!" The god never destroyed a nation in retribution again.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/31/Suicide_Chickens_And_Lightsaber_Wielding_Octopi">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Fri, 20 Jan 2012 22:21:00 -0500 Fredrickville.com-687 Three Epigrams by Schopenhauer http://www.fredrickville.com/article/1/102/Three_Epigrams_by_Schopenhauer <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/1/102.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Spoons Editorial Read closely and see that (3) can be concluded from (1) and (2) according to a consequentialist/utilitarian moral calculus. (1) Good vs. Evil I know of no greater absurdity than that propounded by most systems of philosophy in declaring evil to be negative in its character. Evil is just what is positive; it makes its own existence felt. Leibnitz is particularly concerned to defend this absurdity and he seeks to strengthen his position by using a palpable and paltry sophism* (2)Pleasure vs. Pain The pleasure in this world, it has been said, outweighs the pain; or, at any rate, there is an even balance between the two. If the reader wishes to see shortly whether this statement is true, let him compare the respective feelings of two animals, one of which is engaged in eating the other. (3) Antinatalism If the act of procreation were neither the outcome of a desire nor accompanied by feelings of pleasure, but a matter to be decided on the basis of purely rational considerations, is it likely the human race would still exist? Would each of us not rather have felt so much pity for the coming generation as to prefer to spare it the burden of existence, or at least not wish to take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood? <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/schopenhauer_arthur.jpg"> Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860) excerpts from 'Studies in Pessimism' -- *(Translator's Note cf. Théod: s153) Leibnitz argued that evil is a negative quality- ie, the absence of good; and that its active and seemingly positive character is an incidental and not an essential part of its nature. Cold, he said, is only the absence of the power of heat, and the active power of expansion in freezing water is an incidental and not an essential part of the nature of cold. The fact is that the power of expansion in freezing water is really an increase of repulsion amongst its molecules; and Schopenhauer is quite right in calling the whole argument a sophism. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/1/102/Three_Epigrams_by_Schopenhauer">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Spoons Editorial Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:24:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-686 Cyanogenmod 6.1.2 Droid http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/214/Cyanogenmod_612_Droid <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/214.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com So I was having trouble getting the market installed 3.0.26 on CM6.1.2-Droid, It just wouldn't work. Then I remembered someone made a specific 6.1.2 ROM for the market. Get in touch with me if you want a solution. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/Android-Cyanogen10.jpg"></center> I'm posting this so there's record on the internet that it exists.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/214/Cyanogenmod_612_Droid">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Fri, 16 Sep 2011 14:29:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-685 We Get It! You! Space! We Get it! We All Get It! http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/30/We_Get_It_You_Space_We_Get_it_We_All_Get_It <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/30.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/lollipop.jpg"></center> There was once a group of 3 friends: a monkey, a rabbit, and a turtle. They found a delicious lollipop and knew they couldn't share it with one another, so they came up with a competition. Whoever could defeat the jaguar that was kinda eying them up first got the lollipop. The monkey went first. It was an epic battle, the monkey was slinging poop and the jaguar was kinda close to getting him as the monkey was hopping around. Eventually the jaguar pinned the monkey, but just before the jaguar could defeat the monkey; the rabbit stormed in. Apparently, while the monkey was fighting the jaguar, the rabbit invented a plate of armor made out of spider silk to defend itself. While the rabbit had plenty of defense capability, it's offense was still lacking and eventually, after being unable to defeat the jaguar, the rabbit got tired and was almost defeated by the jaguar. The turtle knew he had to win and stepped onto the battlefield. The turtle, who has a natural defense mechanism, took the time to augment it while creating a taser. 2 seconds after he stepped into the ring, the taser was activated and with a loud crack, the jaguar fell unconscious and defeated. The entire forest celebrated and the turtle was totally famished and devoured that lollipop like a boss.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/30/We_Get_It_You_Space_We_Get_it_We_All_Get_It">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Thu, 15 Sep 2011 06:19:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-682 Garish Displays Of Skill Sometimes Backfire On The Unskilled http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/27/Garish_Displays_Of_Skill_Sometimes_Backfire_On_The_Unskilled <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/27.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/office-rabbit.jpg"></center> The rabbit king, King Ukidolurble the Pragmatic was pausing to consider that there may be some practicality to looking both ways before hopping across roads when there was a crisis being reported by his minions. Off he dashed, to respond to this crisis. When he arrived, he was appalled that there were drunk bunnies everywhere, showing off their private parts and generally being too relaxed when danger was everywhere, even when there was no danger anywhere. He demanded that the drunk bunnies be escorted to the sobriety area where they would be safe. He also ordered an investigation into how this happened. About 5 minutes later, the investigation team came back half drunk. The king was furious and shocked. The investigation team was able to semi-coherently explain that the incident arose when they found some fermenting grapes and the bunnies all ate them. The king demanded that he be taken to this field of "fermenting" grapes (he had never heard of such a thing and thought it was just whippersnapper talk). They arrived at this patch and he noticed there was an enormous bottle of wine that was on the ground and had remnants of the wine left in it. The king was old enough to know that this was the oldest trick in the book by the jerk off neighboring bunch of rabbits so they could score some easy bunnies, so he set off to the neighboring bunch and punched them all in the nose. The girls were never drunk again.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/27/Garish_Displays_Of_Skill_Sometimes_Backfire_On_The_Unskilled">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Wed, 14 Sep 2011 01:21:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-681 Terrible Decisions Are Best Made When You're Only Contributing Ideas That Sound Good At The Time http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/26/Terrible_Decisions_Are_Best_Made_When_Youre_Only_Contributing_Ideas_That_Sound_Good_At_The_Time <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/26.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center>Emit Radiation</center> <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/awkward penguin.jpg"></center> <center>Kill all life on Earth</center> A radioactive penguin was walking by when suddenly everything began dying. Immediately, Fox News announced the apocalypse was coming and then suddenly everybody in the world went into "We're all gonna die!!" mode and started robbing everything and engaging in acts they'd otherwise never or rarely do. This displeased the penguin, for he was just trying to acquire some fish. Then, CNN reported that all the polar bears had died and that killer whales were starting to attack the crocodiles off the coast of Florida while attacking Japanese tuna fisherman for hunting all the tuna and catching all the dolphins. This further displeased the penguin because this was not true (CNN failed to verify the source). An hour later, the Russians started conducting flybys to monitor his movements and find his weak spots. At this point, the penguin experienced unbridled rage for the first time, hulked out, caught the planes, and threw them to China and started a world war. The penguin was the only thing left alive. 2 hours later, a UFO came by and took him to Mars. Apparently everything was cool on Mars, particularly since everybody was radioactive so technically the penguin was normal. They even were able to create a genetic clone of him in a female form. This greatly pleased the radioactive penguin, at least until everyone died before activating it. Yet another depressing situation, that is until a peregrine falcon swooped in from another dimension and took him to another dimension where none of this ever occurred and was even able to make him not radioactive. This pleased him again until he learned he was to be kept in a zoo. He raged again, this time destroying all the life on the planet. At this point, he began questioning the existence of God, when a unicorn made out of seaweed manifested. It informed the penguin that he'd been tripping on acid for the last 10 hours and he was about to come out of it, so there was no need to despair or fear. 2 hours later, the penguin woke up from his coma not drenched in radiation and surrounded by fellow penguins. But then a puppy showed up... they're now best friends. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/26/Terrible_Decisions_Are_Best_Made_When_Youre_Only_Contributing_Ideas_That_Sound_Good_At_The_Time">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Wed, 14 Sep 2011 00:02:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-680 Genghis Khan Might Have Set Your Village On Fire, But He Never Asked For A Cup Of Sugar Because He Was Self Reliant http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/25/Genghis_Khan_Might_Have_Set_Your_Village_On_Fire_But_He_Never_Asked_For_A_Cup_Of_Sugar_Because_He_Was_Self_Reliant <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/25.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/mario.jpg"></center> Elfork, the Elder Unicorn was busy being an elder when a huge fire broke out. This, of course, was bad because they lived in a desert in Antarctica. They get no rain and rarely have fire, plus they live on a sheet of ice. But, on this day, the unicorns were saved by a mysterious Italian plumber with blue overalls and a green shirt. He was also super intoxicated and had a backpack full of unopened bottles of absinthe. "Ieee... it's a meee, a Lu-" with a cough, followed by a hiccup, and then he passed out. When the unicorns got him back to consciousness, the fire was still raging and they asked the stranger for his name. "I am Luca, the plumber! I hear you have money and a plumbing problem!" The unicorns were quite displeased with his drunkenness, blunt demeanor, and greed. They also had no other alternative and quickly explained there was a fire raging and that he was their only hope. 2 hours later, the fire was gone, the Russian government found an "enormous, mysterious, green" pipeline in the area that they initially thought dated back to 9,900 BC and held secrets to the Tunguska event. The unicorns had to immigrate; but two years later, the unicorns took over Italy in an act of rage-induced revenge. It was awesome.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/25/Genghis_Khan_Might_Have_Set_Your_Village_On_Fire_But_He_Never_Asked_For_A_Cup_Of_Sugar_Because_He_Was_Self_Reliant">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Mon, 22 Aug 2011 10:42:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-679 Trollmegle http://www.fredrickville.com/article/1/101/Trollmegle <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/1/101.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Spoons Editorial In the spirit of the old FV AIM Convos! Maybe I can even add a commentary later! I was typing as fast as possible so all spelling and grammatical boggles are purely "part of the act." In the spirit of the old FV AIM Convos! Maybe I can even add a commentary later! I was typing as fast as possible so all spelling and grammatical boggles are purely "part of the act." You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! Question to discuss: Do you like books? Which ones? You: TWILIGHT Stranger:Harry POtter You: TWILIGHT Stranger:BOO! You: TWILIGHT Stranger:HARY POTTER IS BETTER You: NO Stranger:in every way You: TWILIGHT Stranger:nope You: TWILIGHT has (1) more developed characters Stranger:no You: (2) more developed romance You: (3) a mature theme You: and harry potter is ripped off from star wars You: and I can prove it Stranger:HA! Stranger:go Stranger:tell me how You: harry = luke You: kid destined for greatness with a power he doesn't understand You: lives with boring aunt and uncle Stranger:harry undersands You: one day is swept into a new world You: he learns to You: let me finish You: hermione = leia You: at first you think they are going to get it on, but then they don't You: and she ends up with You: the third wheel = Ron Wealy / Han Solo You: best friend who sometimes causes tension Stranger:but harry and hermione arent brother and sister You: yes but You: details don't matter, it's the overarching theme You: Voldemort = emporer palpatine obvi You: Snape is Darth Vader You: because although bad, he has a shred of good in him You: he also is Harry's father figure Stranger:you are over analyzing this You: in lieu of his dead father Stranger:no he's not! You: destroyed by the dark side Stranger:SNAPE HATES HIM You: did you even read the last book? Stranger:yes Stranger:snape hates him You: so Darth hates luke, but also seeks to protect him You: from the emporer / voldemort Stranger:YEAH BUT VOLDEMORT KILLS SNAPE You: and Stranger:harry kills voldemort You: Emporer kills Darth You: I win! Stranger:no Stranger:look here You: with lightning You: watch the movie Stranger:read this Stranger:http://fuckyeahtwilightsucks.tumblr.com/post/137071004/100-reasons-why-twilight-sucks You: ok You: HAHAHAA You: wow Stranger:i particularily like number 18 You: because I'm right you just decide to bash Steph Meyer? You: because you can't refute the clear arguments I present You: wow Stranger:she's a shit writer Stranger:she isn't a very good writer You: I bet you go and take your ball and run back home when you lose at basketball too Stranger:oh my dear Stranger:if only you made sense You: Twilight is a red herring it doens't matter You: because HARRY POTTER IS CRIBBED FROM STAR WARS You: GEORGE LUCAS SHOULD SUE Stranger:no Stranger:he'd lose Stranger:because your argument is baseless You: I provided tons of proof You: force = magic You: hagrid = chewbacca You: obi wan = dumblebumbass You: dies - continues to council in spirit form You: ^ You: god I'm good Stranger:no You: c3po and r2d2 = fred and george Stranger:i'm sorry to break your spirits You: robotic pointless characters added to create "flair" You: ewoks = elves Stranger:harry potter is celebrated as one of the best pieces of literature of all time You: house elves Stranger:Twilight is not You: because it ripped off the best movie of all time! Stranger:oh no Stranger:no no no You: TWILIGHT HAS NOTHGING TO DO WITH JK ROWLING'S plagiarism Stranger:it's not plagiarism Stranger:you're crazy You: umm You: every character is like piece for piece a ripoff You: of star wars You: are you reading what I'm saying? Stranger:TOTALY DIFFERENT CONCEPT, CHARACTERS, STORY LINE You: it's a story about a boy who must confront a great evil Stranger:IM SORRY BUT YOU'RE WRONG You: and learns of a special power he has You: lightsabre = wand You: admiral ackbar = mcgonnagel You: boba fett = cedric diggory You: are you ready for this fat worm, baby? You: Jabba the Hutt = tonks You: BAM You: your mind is now blown wide open You: BOW TO YOUR MASTER Stranger:no You: KING! Stranger:no Stranger:you're WRONG You: (slaps hands against outside of crotch in karate chop fashion) Stranger:rational people would have made these connections You: I AM RATIONAL You: AND I MADE THEM Stranger:reputable people Stranger:but no You: CAPSLOCK ROCKS Stranger:look Stranger:JK ROWLING Stranger:has made more money than ANY OTHER AUTHOR You: (1) appeal to wealth = logical fallacy Stranger:she is the sole member of the BILLIONAIRE author club Stranger:you dont get that kind of money from a fraud You: because she ripped off a well loved franchise and changed some names You: and "the force" into "magic" You: ever wonder why the magic in HP is never explained? You: even the names are shitty Stranger:Look Stranger:magic was around BEFORE You: Hogwarts = warhog backwards Stranger:star wars You: ^^ You: it's like You: she didn't even try Stranger:yes You: Snape = snake You: and what Stranger:coming from Stephanie Meyer's cliche You: WHAT You: he's in the snake house? You: slyhterin You: like slither You: it's so obvious Stranger:Twilight is cliche and you have trouble accepting that You: she didn't even try to be original Stranger:yeah You: TWILIGHT IS A RED HERRING You: I HAVE NOT EVEN RED IT You: BY BASHING TWILIGHT YOU MAKE YOURSELF LOOK FOOLISH Stranger:oh lord You: BY IGNORING OBVIOUS FACTS ABOUT HARRY POTTER THAT YOU WISH NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE Stranger:help this lost soul You: why bring twilight into this You: it's stupid and pointless You: it's a horrible book I agree You: but HP is worse because it's contrived AND stolen Stranger:you just said Stranger:above Stranger:that your favorite book was twilight You: no You: I said "TWILIGHT" in all caps 3 times Stranger:yes Stranger:the question was Stranger:do you like books? Which ones You: nothing about favorites Stranger:you said twilight Stranger:you said you liked twilight thoguh You: so, I like it, I just like others more Stranger:*though You: or it was an elaborate ruse Stranger:yes but you said it was horrible You: it is horrible Stranger:you said it was horrible You: and I want you to admit that HP is stolen Stranger:it wasnt Stranger:im sorry You: you are deliberately stearing this convo off topic You: in order to obfuscate the crimes of JK Rowling Stranger:intelligent people would have made the connection You: I am intelligent! Stranger:but then again, hey wouldnt be intelligent, would they? You: everyone with two eyes can make the connection Stranger:no dear Stranger:you are splitting hairs You: pandering language doesn't work on me You: no, not hairs Stranger:making small connections You: look You: splitting hairs would be like if I said star wars is like to kill a mockingbird You: because both involve sisters and brothers You: that is "small connectionS" You: with HP and SW I am alleging giant overarching themes You: e.g. kid living with other relatives whose family was destroyed by an evil force You: he becomes friendsw with another guy and girl You: who later get it on You: after some tension You: to learn to master that force Stranger:WELL YES BUT YOU COULD SAY THAT STAR WARS IS A COPY OF LORD OF THE RINGS You: RED HERRING ALERT You: why do you keep trying to drive this train off the rails You: by making meaningless comparisons Stranger:clone troopers: orks You: first of all LOTR has nowhere near the number of obvious SW themes in it as HP does Stranger:Luke skywalker: Frodo Stranger:Han solo: Sam Stranger:Lea: Suzy You: frodo = not the chosen one You: he is accidental Stranger:Darth vader: saruman You: if you had read the book you would get that Stranger:Sith Lord: Sauron You: it is a major part of it You: that he's not some part of a prophecy, he is "just a hobbit" You: clearly you haven't read LOTR so you should stop Stranger:destined to destroy the ring Stranger:wow you dont read, do you? You: especially since you have not refuted one single connection I've made between HP and SW You: of which there are volumes You: because JK ROwling is a hack Stranger:If you would let me talk for an extended period I would be glad to refute ALL connections You: ok You: Harry and Luke You: both living with aunt and uncle You: both inheret a power they must master You: but didn't know about until they came of age Stranger:Aunt Petunia and Vernon are terrible to him You: both have to destroy an evil that destroyed their father You: both have a male and female sidekick who later become romantically linked Stranger:His parents were murdered by volemort because volemort wanted to kill harry You: Luke was hidden because Vader wanted to kill Luke Stranger:the sith lord wanted Luke to join the dark side Stranger:but Voldemort wanted to kill harry Stranger:The only thing Ron Wealsey and Han Solo have in common is that they get married to your supposed Hermione/Lea comparison Stranger:THATS IT You: both have a taste for more "Boyish" pursuits You: both fly their cars Stranger:Han Solo and Luke dont like each other Stranger:ron and Harry do You: not always^ You: did you read the book You: there is tension Stranger:YES You: over the girl Stranger:NO You: I don't think you did Stranger:HARRY DOESNT LIKE HERMIONE You: I think you cliff notes'd it You: ron imagines them getting jiggy with it in chapter 17 You: causing You: tension Stranger:yes Stranger:but they are still friends You: KING! Stranger:EVERY READ THE FIRST BOOK? Stranger:THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS! You: "every" lol Stranger:*EVER Stranger:i do appologize You: appppppologize you say? Stranger:for every Stranger:anyways Stranger:RED HERRING You: ^ SEE HOW IT FEELS? Stranger:EVER READ THE FIRST BOOK? You: YES Stranger:THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS You: ok Stranger:BFFs You: replace every instance of "wand" with "wang" and you get a totally different perspective You: "Harry's was 11 inches long, slightly stiff" You: "ejecting silver dust" You: "pheonix feather" Stranger:can you let me speak for ONE LINE WITHOUT INTERRUPTION PLEASE You: CHECKMATE! You: I have just You: intellectually checkmated You: you You: Jabba the Hutt = Tonks You: GOOD NIGHT Stranger:you are likening every character in the book to Star Wars based on their POSITION IN THE BOOK (chosen one, sidekick, father figure) but you FAIL you connect them based on character traits! Stranger:AND STORY LINE Stranger:THAT IS WHERE YOU FAIL Stranger:AND THAT IS WHERE I WIN You: Twilight is still better You: it deals with real issues Stranger:RED HERRING Stranger:you havent addressed my comment Stranger:you lose Stranger:check and mate You: the character traits are obvious You: Luke is a whiny nancy boy much like Harry Stranger:NONO Stranger:harry is brave and strong You: LEiaa is strong willed and smart like Hermione Stranger:ready for a challenge Stranger:nope You: Ron is a frat jock You: like Han Stranger:hermione is whiny Stranger:NO NO You: man their names even rhyme Stranger:RON IS A WIMP! You: Ron and Han Stranger:HAHA Stranger:NO Stranger:im sorry put no You: Potter = a profession You: much like Skywalker Stranger:potter is a last nae Stranger:*name Stranger:James Potter never Potted anything Stranger:HE WAS A FUCKING WIZARD You: man pimping this story is easy as hell Stranger:NOW you're splitting hairs You: Hogwarts =Yavin You: Dobby = Jar JAr Binks Stranger:you have no taste when it comes to literature. You are a fringe psychopath. You make you sense. I feel sorry for your parents. You have a pitiful mental state. Please get help. You're wrong Your conversational partner has disconnected.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/1/101/Trollmegle">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Spoons Editorial Fri, 19 Aug 2011 18:08:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-678 All the World http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/213/All_the_World <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/213.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com All the world's a stage, and the men and women are merely laughing because you fell off. And you broke your femur. And that's just damn laughable. This metaphor is getting sticky, let's back off for a minute and really analyze what I'm saying. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/meathat.jpg"></center> I was looking for the perfect image to compliment my message today, but I'm severely disappointed in the selection of google images for "pickle corruption," so instead this meathat will have to suffice. Every day I become slightly more aware that this thing doesn't even do anything. It doesn't offer me answers to test questions, and it says stupid things in front of girls. Was that meaThat? or MeatHat? You'll never know, if you're NowHere.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/213/All_the_World">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Wed, 10 Aug 2011 11:44:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-676 You Can't Just Accredit Yourself http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/212/You_Cant_Just_Accredit_Yourself <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/212.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com It has come to my attention that this website is just a smlathering of crap that we hobbled together with no real direction or purpose. It appears that this site is not really "legit" and nobody understands it. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/65259dfsb.jpg"></center> I hereby instate the Deacons of Fredrickville Standardization Board. Thanks to this exclusively picked group of deacons, we can now become an accredited organization. This allows us to do things like publish industry standards, and give out real degrees from the Fredrickville Subterranean University. I'm not sure how that fixes the problem in the first paragraph but I lose focus pretty easily. Carry on. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/212/You_Cant_Just_Accredit_Yourself">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Tue, 09 Aug 2011 09:39:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-674 We have become exceedingly good at it. http://www.fredrickville.com/article/1/100/We_have_become_exceedingly_good_at_it <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/1/100.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Spoons Editorial <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page151.php', 300, 300)">Let me just say that you won't believe what kind of stuff you can find poking around in open directories.</A> Periodically the red phone on my desk that keeps me permanently connected to the Fredrickville Embassy to the World rings and a mysterious voice on the other end alerts me that people are surfing onto this site again and I need to get back in the swing of posting. Given that at any given time I have several ideas of interesting or near-interesting quality ready to be snatched out of the cultural zeitgeist and hammered into text (when I'm holding a keyboard, every problem looks like a nail...)* one would think it would be easier to slap a few posts up here than it is to slap half a dozen people (also I am an octopus (gurgle gurgle)** and the people are swimming...) However, this is not always the case, and time constraints frequently prevent me from throwing together even the most meager of offerings, which in turn has lead to such undesirable consequences as the very real threat that it could lose its lofty status in the ratings to columns fueled by anyone with an earful of Cartoon Network and a thick stack of MadLibs. Therefore, in an effort to be all things to all readers, this post will contain a little of everything - but not too much: [x]Textual hilarity [x]Reference to earlier works for the amusement to the author alone [x] HTML gimmicks [ ]Circuitous musing [ ]Cribbing from the work of others to support shaky theses*** [ ]An enemies list [ ]Footnotes Moving right along, I've been meaning for the longest time to write about purpose in life. Herein I will borrow a sentiment attributed to the mathematician Paul Erdos because with any hope if I am able to supplant my own ideas with ones that have already been put into words I won't have to introspect very hard. That was a joke. Almost. The non-joke part is that 90% of this text is lifted from a notepad file that I wrote in some months ago and I'm going to leave the bulk of the text unedited to reflect my bullet-point style of musing. "Those who have stopped doing mathematics are dead / those who have died have left." - Paul Erdos I'm not so much interested in the second part, but I chose to leave it in for contrast. -For most, there is a point at which the human spirit dies. -For most, there is a point at which the interest in adventure / knowledge / heroic nudity ceases. I am serious about this. -I won't claim to value any one specific mode of thinking over another. Perhaps I have come a long way in my abandonment of dogmatism. But, I still have my principles. In the words of the dean from Animal House (I believe) "fat, drunk, and stupid" is no way to go through life. Eating yogurt out of a tube, producing babies and using them as moral or social currency to ones own end, gaining weight, affecting a disposition of complaint, a sickening malaise and yearning for the past while curling up indolently and effectively waiting for your physical being to stop working is what we are expected to succumb to. Here are some things that everyone loves that I don't particularly like at all: (1) Calvin and Hobbes (2) Fight Club (3) The Princess Bride (4) Water Slides Check, check, check, and check. Marginalia: *Also, I'm typing with only my index fingers, and bringing my hands up to the sides of my head in-between keystrokes. **I had this inserted into the West Coast Swing article on wikipedia from 2003-2006 as a silent protest against lack of sourcing. ***And if we eschew the theory of intertemporal preservation of identity, these eponymous others may in fact inhabit the same body. <iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4qnr8ORs_BE#t=39s" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/1/100/We_have_become_exceedingly_good_at_it">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Spoons Editorial Mon, 08 Aug 2011 16:00:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-675 I Once Choked A Golden Chicken For Eating My Driver's License http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/24/I_Once_Choked_A_Golden_Chicken_For_Eating_My_Drivers_License <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/24.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/ducks.jpg"></center> If there were ever a prodigy at making people facepalm, it was Alfred. Alfred was the brother of Aflac, the Annoying Duck. Alfred's stunning ability to dumbfound and amuse were one in the same and he took it to the stage at the local comedy club. He became a huge hit and started booking tours to Djibouti and Laos, where he became an international sensation. One day though, he took his act to San Bernardino, California. This is where his life derailed into a downward spiral of crack use and cannibalism. He took the mic at the local comedy club there and performed, but for some reason the magic that had propelled him to Laos and Djibouti wasn't with him in California. He was booed, had a glass thrown at him, and was challenged to a fight by the unruly crowd of four seven year olds (with absolutely no adult supervision). Distraught and anxious, he turned to crack to ease the pain. Crack was the only comfort he knew, being from the mean streets of Casper, Wyoming. Four days later, he was involved in an altercation with Andy Dick and was seen on TMZ and the front cover of Enquirer magazine. He was out of control, but he wasn't done ruining his career yet. He was determined to get to the lowest low at this point and crack ran out of steam. Broke and desperate, he turned to cannibalism and began hunting, killing, raping, and then devouring other ducks. This landed him into Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, but he was kicked out when he was caught bribing one of the contestants and then threatened to eat Dr. Drew. After 3 solid months of soul searching in a maximum security prison/ duck hunting ranch, run by Dick Cheney, he had found the answers he was looking for. He decided to go back home and work on his comedy again. It took 6 long months to get back on top, but he eventually got another chance to make it big. He landed a spot on the Conan O'Brien show and killed (metaphorically speaking this time). Now he's making 9 million a year and eats only the finest fish. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/24/I_Once_Choked_A_Golden_Chicken_For_Eating_My_Drivers_License">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:18:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-672 Do you remember? http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/211/Do_you_remember <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/211.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com I once programmed a game on the TI-83+ during study hall. Thinking of making it a reality. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/jungle.jpg"></center>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/211/Do_you_remember">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Wed, 27 Jul 2011 21:54:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-671 Elephant Dreams And Satanic Delights http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/23/Elephant_Dreams_And_Satanic_Delights <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/23.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse Captain Spammy, a legendary pirate, was sailing the Gulf of Mexico in the equally legendary ship, The Porterhouse, when he and his crew were ambushed by some ninjas. Something was off about these ninjas though, one was really fat and the other 2 were sipping hot tea. This could only mean one thing: they were British. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/Fat-Ninja.jpg"></center> British ninja are the rarest of the ninja, so it's a conundrum for any self-respecting pirate when confronted by this rare breed. They are simultaneously the most hated enemy and the most valuable treasure in pirate lore, so their greed and kill instincts are both piqued. Captain Spammy decided to kill the two drinking tea and capture the fat one so as to satisfy both instincts sufficiently, so he threw the 2 off the ship and quickly had his crew tie up the fat one. It was too easy, thought the Captain. His acute sense of observation is one of Captain Spammy's greatest skills, and as always, he was correct. Just then, a huge dragon ninja arose from the sea. It was Nessie. It dawned on Captain Spammy that it totally makes sense for Nessie to be a ninja since she's so hard to find in that teeny little area. Snapping back to reality, the Captain ordered his crew to start drinking (as all people who are legally able to drink know, the greatest ideas come when you're completely hammered). It took about 4 kegs and suddenly Captain Spammy got the idea to talk to Nessie. "Yo! Nessie!" he shouted. Thus began a conversation that yielded new friendships, Nessie's resignation from the ninjahood and rejection of British citizenship, and a declaration of war by Nessie on the British; as well as a lot of money for Captain Spammy from selling that fat British ninja at the pirate market on the Cape of Good Hope. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/23/Elephant_Dreams_And_Satanic_Delights">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Sun, 03 Jul 2011 14:20:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-670 Coiled Rage http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/22/Coiled_Rage <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/22.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse Plerazzledoo, the Gentle Unicorn was grazing in a meadow when a leprechaun appeared and told him that there was a pot of gold and three wishes for Plerazzledoo if he saved his village from Maldor, the Refrigerator - the little known brother of Trogdor, the Burninator. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/unicorn dragon.jpg"></center> Plerazzledoo, skeptical of his claim, pulled out his laptop, browsed memebase.com for a Y U NO meme that happened to be the question: Y U NO KILL DRAGON WITH MAGIC?! and showed it to him. The leprechaun explained that all they can do is grant wishes, place gold at the end of select rainbows and manipulate time and space and nothing more. He went on to explain that the village's desire was to rid the world of Maldor, rather than just pass it off to somebody else. Not even on their worst enemies, gorillas. Plerazzledoo pulled up another meme that read "Challenge Accepted" and off they went to the battle site. When they arrived, it was utter horror. There was ice cream EVERYWHERE. It's common knowledge that leprechauns are lactose intolerant, so there were a lot of dead leprechauns and many more suffering the effects of it. Upon seeing the devastation, Plerazzledoo's rage went off the charts. He burst into flame and unleashed his mightiest attack and melted Maldor. Unfortunately, this kinda melted the gold and only one leprechaun was left and was kinda scorched. They were displeased. He got one wish though. As Plerazzledoo was being massaged by one of Santa's elves, he was told that he'd get no presents this year because of the incident. Plerazzledoo immediately regretted helping the leprechauns.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/22/Coiled_Rage">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Sun, 26 Jun 2011 12:43:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-669 FVideos Make a Comeback? http://www.fredrickville.com/article/13/8/FVideos_Make_a_Comeback <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/13/8.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: FVideos And they still suck?? <center><iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/t-AS0ZEStYM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></centeR>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/13/8/FVideos_Make_a_Comeback">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> FVideos Mon, 23 May 2011 17:45:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-668 My Online Journal MAY 22 http://www.fredrickville.com/article/13/7/My_Online_Journal_MAY_22 <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/13/7.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: FVideos <center><iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eXj9SLODtHA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/13/7/My_Online_Journal_MAY_22">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> FVideos Mon, 23 May 2011 01:05:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-667 Get off the home page http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/210/Get_off_the_home_page <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/210.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com Fredronica here to tell you that, well muffins, it's not your fault. Not your fault that you missed Fredrickville so. It's a lot like a pumpkin jacko-in-the-box. You put a candle in and you turn the crank, and out pops weasels EVERYWHERE. I'm afraid I may have accidentally gotten some literal in your metaphor. I'm sure it will wash off. In honor of the style that is Fredrickville, and nothing less, I have a itch to scratch, and it lacks direction. I appreciate the kind words from everybody regarding my last post. But let's get that mushy crap off the home page, shall we? It stinks to high heavens here. I've been asked, did I go all soft on you? And I want you to know, I'm not soft at all. I'm just one helluva good romance writer. And the guy with all abs just came in to explain you've had amnesia, and you've actually been in love this entire time. And you missed us. And you want naughty things. And we feel the same way. Good lord, can we get a ridiculous picture up in here? <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/ridiculous.jpg"></center> Thanks, much better. I'm so out, I'm back in. Hipsters don't think I'm hip, that's how ironically hip I really am. Learn to irony more than 2 levels, man. It's just turtles all the way. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/210/Get_off_the_home_page">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Mon, 16 May 2011 12:56:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-666 Sasquatch's Miniature Pony Ranch http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/21/Sasquatchs_Miniature_Pony_Ranch <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/21.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/drunk elf.jpg"></center> Lampo McSharknuggets and Clingy Sausageelf were the best of friends and also the town drunks of Elfington. They were stumbling to the liquor store when they suddenly had the need to pee. They went off the road a bit, but in their effort to avoid urinating in public, they kinda began a journey that led them through a cloud. The cloudy cocktail of hallucinogens was located precisely where they had more liquor, which they had forgotten about in their stupor, and they proceeded to do their business and break open their recently not very well buried, but newly discovered treasure trove of vodka and gin. 30 minutes in though, the drug addled duo began to hear something. Clingy asked Lampo what he thought it was and Lampo replied with a cough, "Hobos?" It was at this point they decided to chase after hobos with only the empty bottles and the deer antler they found. Armed to the teeth, they set off to find hobos. In town was Officer Morcus Malindy, the patrolling officer that night. He was a grizzled 20 year veteran. This is an account of the horror he experienced. It was 2:30 pm. He was at the Zookeeper cafe when he received a complaint about Lampo and Clingy chasing after residents in the forest. When he got there, he saw 4 people with bumps on their heads and cuts on them, and one squirrel tied to a tree. He was instantly sick to his stomach, he never seen such carnage in all of his years. Then, as he followed the trail of broken glass, blood, and dreams he came face to face with the destructive duo, wearing warpaint that looked like their own feces on their face while brandishing a goose and a bamboo stick. "Sup, Sir Offy?" inquired Lampo. Clingy could only manage to hiccup. "Hands up!" shouted Officer Malindy. Lampo tried to touch his toes while Clingy started doing the macarena. Malindy knew he had to take them down, they were too dangerous, so he pulled out his taser and he promptly took them down. They both puked. Thus ended the 2 hours of horror in the outskirts of Elfington. Officer Malindy was given a medal of valor and a gigantic raise while Clingy and Lampo stayed in jail for 24 hours. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/21/Sasquatchs_Miniature_Pony_Ranch">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Sat, 14 May 2011 21:19:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-665 An Open Letter To Everybody http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/209/An_Open_Letter_To_Everybody <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/209.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com I guess there comes a time in everybody's life when they realized their pacing for the maturity race petered off to more of a sluggish crawl. And when you think you're leaps and bounds better than you were just years ago, you look back at your life and realize that you've actually hit a low point, you were just too drunk to notice. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/P8060426.JPG"></center> No, this is not my admission to being a raging alcoholic, I'm not (alcoholics go to meetings). And no, this isn't me confessing that I had no reason to start or maintain my position on some of the arguments in my life. But this is an admission that things went horribly, horribly sour.. and I haven't really understood why. Well, that is until recently. No, this isn't a funny piece, but I think my audience here will respect what I've got to say. A majority of you don't like me for at least one of the many reasons I'm about to list. This is going to be whiny and dumb, and I hate to give you the satisfaction of reading my admissions, but alas- it's therapeutic for me, and I just love posting private things in public places. Call it a fault. I'm a software engineer, and work in computer diagnostics. I'm an analytical person who sees problems in his life, and looks for root causes. I like to solve problems, and so I take apart problems piece by piece until I understand the parts. I treat almost all of my problems this way, and I've always believed it to be superior, (the most optimal) way to solve life's problems. I have had little regard for the emotional ramifications of my decisions. I was raised in a family where thinking quickly was required, I would quickly trace through the chain of possible events during each decision, and I expected the same from all participants in my unfortunate story, but it's not really how the mind usually works, but color me clueless. Maybe it's true after all, perhaps my social skills lacked. When I saw somebody cross me, I had every right to be upset. I don't think I was unfair in determining when I had been crossed. There were some times with good friends, girlfriends, or family, where a line was crossed and I found it necessary to take appropriate action for myself. The problem was determining an appropriate action. I spend a good portion of arguments dedicated to communication. I spent a good portion of relationships dedicated to communication. Perhaps what I had to say wasn't the brightest, or the right thing to say, but I was always open about communication. I always spoke my mind, without really considering the emotional fallout it would cause with the people around me. I treat problems very analytically, you see- I imagined others would follow suit. My complaints would brush by their logical sensors, and they'd agree or disagree. I never considered they'd be hurt. I still have no empathy for others. I don't know why I can't feel empathy. I wonder what it is. I found situations unworkable when I found that people would stop considering logical argument and instead either shut off, or leave. It's a blessing and a curse, my ability to debate. I get so unreasonably angry when the conversation turned to incoherent crap. I could argue for days, and I felt the only resolution was for one person to have a better point. Don't get me wrong, my position isn't that I held a correct point of view my entire life- and others around me would have to bend to it or get bent. Though most of you reading this probably think just this about me. I had a dedication- to a fault- to reason. To rationality. And when presented with a better argument, one that refuted my position, I would yield. You don't think I'm open minded, but I try to be. But I didn't see emotion as a coherent argument. And it will never have a place at a proper debate. My mind marks problems solved or pending, and I cannot find rest to settle it unless it's dealt with accordingly. It became a very exaggerated way of life. A life of extremes. Perhaps I held people emotionally hostage, threatening to cut off all contact with those that refused to apply rationality. I'm not a tyrant. I wasn't blasting away on my human-targeting lasers with little regard for life on this planet. My goal was ambitious, and had virtue. I am a very logical and consistent person, and if you've got a brilliant point that I just didn't see, I will accept it! The problem is how I went about this. Most people saw me as an attack- which I probably was. Nobody deals with life like this.. and it doesn't mesh well with reality, does it? I'm sure I've said to myself on more than one occasion- "Look at me, I'm so fucking logical that I've got LITERALLY no friends!" My approach was just shit, wasn't it? People were not problems that could be solved like computer programs. And there's just nothing genuinely good about somebody who does that. I'm not sure if I had ever found a balance before- but it seems to me I certainly didn't have one for most of my adult life. This was the fundamental problem I faced. I am an extremely logical person, and not very forgiving, and not very nice. I don’t want some of you reading this to think, oh look, Robbie’s taking the blame for everything that ever happened. But you were there too. I am not directly responsible for how anybody in my life acted, and this is not me taking responsibility wholesale for things that went wrong. But I can see why this attitude of mine became a burden to those around me. And I can see why there was an emotional reaction. And what’s worse, I can see how I missed the reaction each and every time. I just don’t expect people to think differently than I do. Why can’t people see things my way? If they did, they wouldn’t get so emotionally invested – and so emotionally detached from me, right? Right? The fact that I considered this line of reasoning is just to demonstrate how absolutely out of touch with people I truly was. All you can do is identify and grow. That’s all I can do. I want to say that one of my best qualities is to be able to change when I identify a problem. I can turn on a dime. And that’s because I live my life by the code of logic- and when something makes sense (or doesn’t), my mind becomes restless until I fix that portion of my life. I will always be analytical, and I’ll always believe in the superiority of logic. Rationality allows me to make smart decisions- and even lead me to realize the problems in my life caused by it! I will never abandon this form of reasoning- it is who I am. It is what I am. But clearly there were some adjustments that I needed to make. Frankly, even I was getting sick of me. In 2008ish, I entered into a perpetual state of existential crisis. This caused more problems than it solved. I had just recently realized the fallacious nature of religion, and having grown up in a Christian home, I found myself re-evaluating the basis for my values and morals. Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell what morals or values I wanted to keep, and which were because I was raised that way. I guess this is the “find yourself” adventure everybody talks about. The complete bullshit I thought it was, turned out to be pretty much true. I stripped away all my preconceived notions, and questioned the very basis of reality. What are we? What is consciousness? What is life? Who am I? What makes myself me? At this time I dropped anything that made me who I was. I dropped the very qualities that I liked about myself. I was so interested in finding an optimal solution, my mind wouldn’t rest until it determined the most logical basis for living life, for having values, for making decisions. Many of you probably caught the problem here. If I don’t believe in god- then I understand the relativity of morality. And if that’s true, there is little reason to have a set of morals, except for ones you prefer. Preference was a slippery topic to which I was unable to grasp. I love optimal solutions. I love logic and rationality. But preference, preference was a decision. All else being even (or close thereto), I could choose chocolate or vanilla, with perhaps unforeseen consequences- but no way to look back and consider I had made the appropriate decision based on the information I had at the time- only a way to regret. My indecision was a bigger regret than any decision I could’ve made back then. But I was so paralyzed by the fact that I had to now think for myself. All the adages I grew up with, false- the world was a cold bitter place, and I knew less then than I did at ten years old! My face wasn’t going to get stuck if I made a funny face, swear words don’t send you to hell, and there is no universal law of marriage. People were just here, on this planet, making the best of it. And I was a lost puppy. Most of the few people who stuck with me this far started to leave. I was depressed, confused, and simply didn’t know what direction my life should take from that point. I was unsettled, with no solution. I was disconnected, and drunk more than I should’ve been. And although I was completely honest with the people around me, my problems were impossible to bear, for me, and for them. It was emotionally abusive, and unfair to everybody I knew. For this, I’m truly sorry. I have, however, recently gotten through the depression, a new man- even! And in the place where my lack of values sat loudly like taxi running the stop sign of my life, I now have a working set of values. I have decided that what I need to be in life, is a genuinely good person: The one component that’s been missing from my life since a point that I can recall vividly. It was a breakup, and I was young. I felt so damaged that indeed I saw the public as the enemy. I did what a good engineer does. I identified the system, and started building rules to encounter various forms of damage that may occur in the future. But the damage I wanted to avoid was emotional hurt towards me. I had never known so much pain from somebody so close to me; I wanted to avoid that like it was death itself. And the problem was that I brought that baggage with me to every show. And you-know-who-you-are, I apologize for entering into a relationship on the defensive. I saw you as potential love, but I saw you as the enemy. The one who might some-day have the power to break my heart, to cause that pain again. Oh, yes, my defense: The rules that I had constructed, the life that I had planned out, the intricate ways I thought to interact with my surroundings. I was the king of the fortress, ready for battle. That’s right, ladies, take a stab. You would never reach close enough to puncture my heart! Lot of good that did, my defense. Because it didn’t do one bit of good. If anything, it did nothing but damage. Damage to everybody. And the one thing missing, was me actually trying to be a genuinely good person. I didn’t have that. And it wasn’t fair to anybody. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t evil either. It wasn’t all bad times, my life. But the things that did go wrong, I can identify them here. And with this I can plan to grow. I can continue to grow. And I can be a good person to everybody I encounter. I will get hurt, and hurt is part of life. But spending all my energy avoiding it hasn’t done a lick of good, but it’s kept me from doing good. So, to those who faithfully stuck with me through this crisis, I am so glad that you did. I needed you there more then, than any other time in my life. To those who didn’t stay with me- I understand. Boy howdy, I understand. I don’t hold it against you. I hope you don’t hold it against me. If you were somebody who thinks I hate them, or somebody who hates me… if this message reached you and you understand, or if you just want to say hi, I encourage you to contact me. Text me, call me, message me on facebook, or leave a comment here. If you want to know more about the values I’ve taken on, or who I’ve become- contact me. I think you’ll discover I’m a different person. Existential Crisis: Over. Life Begins. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/209/An_Open_Letter_To_Everybody">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Tue, 10 May 2011 10:20:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-664 FPR: Falcon Punch Resuscitation http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/20/FPR_Falcon_Punch_Resuscitation <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/20.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/red-balloon.jpg"></center> There once was a sentient balloon with no name. It was totally content with this since the balloon was able to bask in pure awareness where it had no means nor need to interact with anything on the planet. The balloon was filled with helium and given to a child. The balloon noticed that the child was gratified by this immediately, even after the child had just been crying seconds before. This puzzled the balloon, but was more concerned about its proximity to the nails in the ceiling. They made it outside, where the balloon noticed itself expanding and feeling warmer. The child suddenly lost grip on the balloon and off the balloon drifted into the air. The child was inconsolable, but after a few minutes the child was muted by distance. At this point, the air currents swiftly tossed it to the next town. There, the balloon watched a PETA protest in progress. Just seemed like lots of shouting and weird signs. One was humorously ironic, claiming that fruits and vegetables were living at one point as well. Outside of the several dozen people there, nobody was paying attention it seemed. The air currents picked up again and off the balloon went. The next opportunity to sight see was an unpopulated area where there were deer prancing around. It was serene and less dirty here than in the town, where it got covered by some soot. Unfortunately for the balloon, it was carried to a new area rather briskly. At this point, the balloon began losing steam and was descending toward a park. The balloon was ironically depressed that it had to come back to a town, a place almost devoid of the serenity it felt before. A man on one knee caught its attention though, the man was holding a box and the woman was crying and hugged the man very hard. This confused the balloon, but it knew it was an occasion of happiness not unlike the one with child at the beginning of the balloon's journey. The balloon settled onto a tree and the last of it's air left it. A bird incorporated it into its nest that day.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/20/FPR_Falcon_Punch_Resuscitation">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Sun, 08 May 2011 18:32:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-663 Alternative Medicine http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/208/Alternative_Medicine <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/208.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com For some reason, this needs to be said. Because for some unknown reason, people actually believe this tripe. I will put it in bold, so that you can see it clearly: Alternative Medicine Does Not Work. Period.(period) <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/alternative-medicine.jpg"></center> As some of my closer friends will attest, I get sick a bit, and recently I was doing just that. Being sick. Had myself a real paroozey cold.. so bad, in fact, that I couldn't use adverbs, and made up adjectives. Of course, naturally, as somebody who treats most problems methodologically, I decided that being sick was no different from any other problem I solve day-to-day, so I took a short trip to the electroland to peruse the googlenets to find out what to do, just like I do every other time I face a decision or problem. Except unlike technicial problems (or relationship problems THANKS YAHOO! ANSWERS! WOMIN ARE LIEK BOOKS you just TURN THE PAGES! -xoXOSuprastahXOxo), medical problems only come up with thousands of pages of absolute CRAP. I keep coming across articles that start off nicely (A cold, huh? Well first start off with lots of sleep..) but then quickly delve into the stupid alternative medical bullcocky that makes me want to eat razor-flakes for breakfast. (then recite this poem while looking in the mirror) Here are the facts, I'm sick of hearing otherwise: 1. Vitamins. Understand how they work. You cannot "boost" your immune system. You cannot guard yourself against attack. They are not drugs. They are vitamins. Your body is either deficient or has enough. That's it. If you take MORE than enough, your body discards it as waste. THAT IS HOW IT WORKS. 2. Vitamin C. There is no proven link between vitamin C and curing/shortening colds. Just stop it right now. 3. Natural or Organic Foods. For some reason, it actually came up quite a bit- No, switching from "processed" foods to organic foods won't actually cure your sinus infection. Seriously. 4. Herbs. No, taking tons of Herb X won't cure your problem. Seriously stop it. What we need are real tips from actual doctors Wouldn't it be great if you got advice like this for a cold? Stay hydrated. Get lots of sleep. If you need to, take some cold medicine to aid in sleeping. Eat warm soup to soothe your throat. Taking ibuprofen will help the swelling in your throat and nasal passages go down. Helping the swelling go down is actually good, because it helps promote proper healing faster. When they're swollen, blockage can cause further infection. Sore throats can also become infected if left untreated. This is why you do these things, not because of some home remedy or magical fix. It's managing the symptoms to avoid them getting worse. In the words of Tim Minchin... [quote]You know what they call alternative medicine that's been proved to work? Medicine[by]Tim Minchin[/quote]... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/208/Alternative_Medicine">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Wed, 04 May 2011 10:46:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-662 PASTEURIZE THIS! http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/207/PASTEURIZE_THIS <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/6/207.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Fredrickville.com Special note from Robbie: I want to warn you not to scroll down if you're easily offended. I didn't realize just how shoking this article would be before I wrote it. You have been warned. Also please see the bottom for a message from our sponsor! Hi there! Robbie Here. Still writing, even though I know millions of you have dedicated time and money to making sure I'd never have access to a keyboard again. WELL YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY! I'm STILL HERE! AND I WILL KEEP ON WRITING NO MATTER WHAT. And today- I'm making a list of things I can't wait for: Summer, Doctor Who Season 6, Jetpacks, Lightning Infused Gorilla Stabber. That is all for now, but I'm sure I'll add more. I'm not sure what that last one is, I assume it'll be invented soon. <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/milk.jpg" align=right>Now let's talk about what really bothers me: Organic Foods For some reason, people decided that in order to be individuals, they had to invest some energy into becoming completely and udderly* retarded. I can't imagine if it's just because the signal from our outerspace overlords is getting mixed up by the 9-11 conspiracy directive transmissions that constantly bombard our heads, or because they don't put enough fluoride in our water. Either way, the point remains: People can't assess risk, or reward, and instead JUST GET HARD-ONS when given the choice between being smart and being stupid (you know, instead of making a choice. they just get boners). Organic foods: Trying to be healthy? People believe the hype when they hear that unpasteurized milk is better for you, or that the hormones in beef can cause cancer (or any number of unknown but potentially horrid diseases). If the lettuce you're eating had any form of pest control used, it's likely going to take over your brain and kill your entire family by making you into a family killing zombie. The problem is that people can't assess risk. For some odd reason, they want to believe that raw milk is healthier (read: the nutrients from milk aren't lost like that devil spawn pasteurized milk) and therefore good for you, instead of considering the inherent health risk of food-borne illness that arises from drinking milk that hasn't been processed. Why are you so bad at understanding that the benefits actually don't out-weight the risks? For instance: The nutrients in milk are NOT lost. Enzymes don't "die" (as is often put). The real risks do very much exist. Why do people fret over hormones in cows? They think that antibiotics are going to cause our beef to kill us? Or the hormones? Facts: -No residues from feeding antibiotics are found in beef, and there is no valid scientific evidence that antibiotic use in cattle causes illness resulting from the development of antibiotic-resistant bacteria. -Scientific authorities agree that use of hormone implants results in the efficient production of beef that is safe. BUT WAIT!!! WEEE DON'T KNOW MANNNN! WHAT IF THIS STUFF WILL KILL US ALL IN THE LONG RUN? That's a good question. Here's my question: Why do you worry about things with no scientific evidence while simultaneously being unable to process things that will most certainly kill you. How many people do you know eat organic foods to be "safe" but still smoke cigarettes, or don't wear seat-belts? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? The fact is, your organic foods are approved by the same FDA that approves your other food. The point is, you don't want lettuce that wasn't raised with some form of pest control, unless you like eating dead/eaten lettuce full of bugs. Do you? DO YOU? I don't. I'm happy with my lettuce. I don't like finding creepers in my artichokes. Artichokes are scary enough as is thankyouverymuch You are mistaken if you believe organic foods are better for you. They are simply more expensive. [quote]As I always say, organic bacon will still give you a heart attack.[by]ME[/quote] <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/97702artichoke.jpg"></center> SERIOUSLY though folks. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN WE DEBATE THE PROS AND CONS OF MICROWAVING UNDERPANTS BEFORE WORK! *Did he say udderly?? NO WAYYYYSSSZZZ!!!111oneoneoneeleventy11! <center>This message is not brought to you by Maui Tanning Salon, but since we love them so very much, we're endorsing them instead! We know you're going to tan, at least do it where they change their bulbs: <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Maui-Tanning-Company/101345853761" target=_blank><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/maui.jpg" border=0 class="pics"></a></center>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/6/207/PASTEURIZE_THIS">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Fredrickville.com Sun, 24 Apr 2011 23:00:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-661 The Secret Lives Of Napkins http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/19/The_Secret_Lives_Of_Napkins <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/16/19.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: The Outhouse <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/Koala-Bear.jpg"></center> Vrrfrrrgzllgirk the third is a koala bear. Chillin' on his tree and eating some eucalyptus, he was happy. That was until, suddenly, a time traveling gorilla phased in, slapped him in the face, and exited. That didn't bother him much, but it did piss off his neighbors and now it was time to rumble. Vrrfrrrgzllgirk's first opponent was his old high school rival Hllllrrghhra. That jerk had been trying to get back at him for beating him in a tree climbing race since their freshman year. Vrrfrrrgzllgirk simply sidestepped the oncoming branch and threw a stick at the bee nest next to Hllllrrghhra. He was always easy to defeat. The next was the leader of their pack, Lnmz. He was pissed. Lnmz tackled Vrrfrrrgzllgirk and was trying to get a submission hold on him, but Vrrfrrrgzllgirk apparently watches too much UFC and broke out of that weaksauce really quickly and tapped Lnmz out. Vrrfrrrgzllgirk's final opponent was Gerbils, the silverback gorilla. He kinda was bored and saw them all fighting and decided he wanted to wrestle too. Considering that gorillas are really strong and do legit wrestling moves, this was going to be an enormous task. Vrrfrrrgzllgirk knew he needed to break out the power and called upon the koala god, Albuquerque, and transformed into the Super Koala mode. Gerbils and Vrrfrrrgzllgirk fought on even strength until Gerbils lost his footing and Vrrfrrrgzllgirk got a sweet triangle armbar in and made Gerbils tap out. After the day's work, Vrrfrrrgzllgirk went back up to his tree and ate more eucalyptus and was brought water. He was king for the day and felt awesome. He then went on to start a jiu jutsu gym in Los Angeles. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/16/19/The_Secret_Lives_Of_Napkins">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> The Outhouse Fri, 22 Apr 2011 21:23:00 -0400