Archive : The Outhouse
|01/20/12 10:21 - Suicide Chickens And Lightsaber Wielding Octopi|
Loosey Goosey the Enigmatic elf shot a deer one day. It turned out to be the Grandson of a god. This angered God mightily, so he did what would to any other individual who did something annoying. He destroyed the entire nation.
However, this was no ordinary elf. Loosey Goosey was secretly the overlord of the parallel dimension and suddenly, he reanimated himself like the time Neo rose back [more]
|09/15/11 06:19 - We Get It! You! Space! We Get it! We All Get It!|
There was once a group of 3 friends: a monkey, a rabbit, and a turtle. They found a delicious lollipop and knew they couldn't share it with one another, so they came up with a competition. Whoever could defeat the jaguar that was kinda eying them up first got the lollipop.
The monkey went first. It was an epic battle, the monkey was slinging poop and the jaguar was kinda close to getting him [more]
|09/14/11 01:21 - Garish Displays Of Skill Sometimes Backfire On The Unskilled|
The rabbit king, King Ukidolurble the Pragmatic was pausing to consider that there may be some practicality to looking both ways before hopping across roads when there was a crisis being reported by his minions.
Off he dashed, to respond to this crisis. When he arrived, he was appalled that there were drunk bunnies everywhere, showing off their private parts and generally being too relaxed [more]
|09/14/11 12:02 - Terrible Decisions Are Best Made When You're Only Contributing Ideas That Sound Good At The Time|
Kill all life on Earth
A radioactive penguin was walking by when suddenly everything began dying. Immediately, Fox News announced the apocalypse was coming and then suddenly everybody in the world went into "We're all gonna die!!" mode and started robbing everything and engaging in acts they'd otherwise never or rarely do. This displeased the penguin, for he was just trying [more]
|08/08/11 03:18 - I Once Choked A Golden Chicken For Eating My Driver's License|
If there were ever a prodigy at making people facepalm, it was Alfred. Alfred was the brother of Aflac, the Annoying Duck. Alfred's stunning ability to dumbfound and amuse were one in the same and he took it to the stage at the local comedy club. He became a huge hit and started booking tours to Djibouti and Laos, where he became an international sensation.
One day though, he took his act to [more]
|07/03/11 02:20 - Elephant Dreams And Satanic Delights|
Captain Spammy, a legendary pirate, was sailing the Gulf of Mexico in the equally legendary ship, The Porterhouse, when he and his crew were ambushed by some ninjas. Something was off about these ninjas though, one was really fat and the other 2 were sipping hot tea. This could only mean one thing: they were British.
British ninja are the rarest of the ninja, so it's a conundrum for any self-respecting [more]
|06/26/11 12:43 - Coiled Rage|
Plerazzledoo, the Gentle Unicorn was grazing in a meadow when a leprechaun appeared and told him that there was a pot of gold and three wishes for Plerazzledoo if he saved his village from Maldor, the Refrigerator - the little known brother of Trogdor, the Burninator.
Plerazzledoo, skeptical of his claim, pulled out his laptop, browsed memebase.com for a Y U NO meme that happened to be the [more]
|05/14/11 09:19 - Sasquatch's Miniature Pony Ranch|
Lampo McSharknuggets and Clingy Sausageelf were the best of friends and also the town drunks of Elfington. They were stumbling to the liquor store when they suddenly had the need to pee. They went off the road a bit, but in their effort to avoid urinating in public, they kinda began a journey that led them through a cloud. The cloudy cocktail of hallucinogens was located precisely where they had [more]
|05/08/11 06:32 - FPR: Falcon Punch Resuscitation|
There once was a sentient balloon with no name. It was totally content with this since the balloon was able to bask in pure awareness where it had no means nor need to interact with anything on the planet. The balloon was filled with helium and given to a child. The balloon noticed that the child was gratified by this immediately, even after the child had just been crying seconds before. This [more]
|04/22/11 09:23 - The Secret Lives Of Napkins|
Vrrfrrrgzllgirk the third is a koala bear. Chillin' on his tree and eating some eucalyptus, he was happy. That was until, suddenly, a time traveling gorilla phased in, slapped him in the face, and exited. That didn't bother him much, but it did piss off his neighbors and now it was time to rumble.
Vrrfrrrgzllgirk's first opponent was his old high school rival Hllllrrghhra. That jerk had been [more]
|04/07/11 11:09 - Pen Rockets: The Destruction Of The American Family|
Algo, the Carrot was chillin' in the cold dark prison when The Monster showed up again and selected Keepa, the Bottle of Orange Juice and Meeko, the Jug of Milk yet again for his sacrifice. It was thus the start of another depressing and anxiety ridden period for Algo and the rest of the prisoners in what is known as "The Fridge". They heard the muffled screams of a box of cereal, apparently nobody [more]
|03/25/11 01:22 - Angry Antelopes Won't Think Twice|
If there was a beetle who could beat a honey badger, it was Kern. He was just a real jerk and also radioactive. Kern doesn't take any crap from anyone because of his radioactivity. He also tends to mutate plant life and kill off everything else around him because of it. One day though, he started feeling lonely and wished upon a shooting star that he'd have a companion. Just then, a steroid abusing [more]
|02/27/11 02:10 - Charlie Sheen Blew His Money On Coke And Whores, And Now We're In A Worldwide Recession|
Kyle the Burly Hermit Crab was waddling along, looking for a new shell because he benched pressed his way out of his old one and needed to upgrade. He recently became the first creature on the planet, on the land, in the sea, or in the air; to lift a blue whale. He had been looking for quite some time and was starting to wonder if his bench pressing had become an addiction that was detrimental [more]
|02/16/11 07:14 - Ketchup Looks Awfully Like Blood To The Untrained Eye|
Norfmag the Drunk Buffalo was roaming the desert with a brand new bottle of Thunderbird wine when a gorilla warped into the dimension, slapped him, and warped back out of the dimension. Norfmag was understandably pissed, so he went to Gandljeg, the Sage; who was a really good scientist. Norfmag told him what happened and Gandljeg was immediately interested and began creating a device for Norfmag [more]
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I will regale your audience of about 12 with stories that I make up on the spot about random things. I need an outlet for my imagination.
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